More Than Words
by In The Name
Summary: The five things he never told her, and the one thing he never had to.


**I'm back with a short oneshot. I had this idea one night while I was trying to fall asleep and it wouldn't leave me alone until I had written it down. This will probably be my last fanfiction for a while, unless I can fit another one in before I leave for university. But in all honesty, that's not very likely. So consider this my parting gift to you awesome people of the fanfiction world. It's been a great run, so thank you. **

**This story contains spoilers for various episodes throughout the seasons, so you are forewarned. **

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More Than Words

I.

Jane blinked a couple times, trying to clear his vision. The first thing he was able to focus on is Lisbon's form, such a familiar petit silhouette. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed seeing her until his hopes of sight had been realized. A thousand thoughts sped across his mind in the next few seconds, some unfamiliar and others that frequented far more often then he cared to admit. Some thoughts of human behaviour, others of consequence. Some thoughts of how bright the colours were, he'd never noticed. Others of just how glad he was that it was Lisbon before him, she was radiant to his virgin eyes.

He couldn't suppress the smile that burst to life. Lisbon returned one of her own as she approached him and if he thought she was radiant before, he was sorely mistaken. He let his thoughts wander free only for a few short moments before reigning them in. The leash he kept them on was starting to feel like a chokehold.

"You have no notion how good it is to see your face," Jane started. "Rigsby."

One word was all it took for her smile to fade and be replaced with a look of concern. He let the unspoken question hang in the air for a moment before he let her in on the charade. Her relief was evident, she wasn't even trying to hide it.

"You, you're funny," Lisbon said. Jane just shrugged in agreement. She sat down beside him on his couch, not waiting for him to offer her a seat. "So it looks like your super powers are gone now."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Jane said. "Maybe I'll be able to tap into my other senses better now that I know how." He took a moment to listen around, to smell the air and feel what he could. He made sure to be extra dramatic or Lisbon's sake.

"Anything?" Lisbon asked.

"Nope," Jane admitted with a small chuckle. "It looks like that ship has sailed."

"That's too bad," Lisbon sympathized.

"Meh, I can still remember what it felt like. Besides, you're happy about me losing my powers," Jane said.

"Am I?" Lisbon said doubtfully.

"Yes," Jane said, his voice as self-assured as ever. "Now you don't have to worry about me invading your personal space and being unprofessional. Well, not in that way at least."

"Oh yeah, that," Lisbon said, as if she'd forgotten. "I think I still need to be on guard. We both know that was just you playing your mind games."

"Me? Mind games?" Jane scoffed. "Never."

"Oh please, like you genuinely needed to feel my face," Lisbon said.

"I actually did," Jane defended. "I promise you, I really did want to know what your face felt like when you smile."

"Oh really?" Lisbon asked, not buying it one bit. "What did it feel like then?"

"Pardon?" Jane asked, caught off guard.

"What did my face feel like when I was smiling?" Lisbon asked playfully. The expectant look she gave him only made him want to make her wait longer for his answer. A sharp ring of her cell phone interrupted the suspense and she got up from the couch. She made an apologetic face before answering the call.

"Lisbon." She answered sharply. "Hey Cho, what is it?" She walked away to deal with it in her office and Jane could only watch her go.

He was a little regretful that she left, after all he had an answer to her question. But he was also relieved. His answer would give himself away and that just wouldn't do. He had to remain aloof and separate from the team in order to be able to finish what needed to be done. He needed to be alone in his dark search for Red John, filled with nothing but vengeance. But she wasn't making it easy. When he'd lightly traced the outline of her face, he felt it. He couldn't quite explain why or how, but she felt like hope.

II.

No sirens were wailing, but lights were flashing red and blue. Everything was distant, nothing quite sinking in. He saw Lisbon in front of him, saying something he couldn't understand. He couldn't focus on anything, instead opting to stare through her.

Everything blurred together until he was in a car. He was in the passenger seat of a very familiar vehicle and it was moving. He blinked a few times, gathering his bearings. This was Lisbon's car, the one she'd driven to the farm in. They must be on their way back to the CBI. He looked o his left. Just as he'd suspected, Lisbon was driving the car. He glanced in the rear view mirror, trying to asses whether or not there were other passengers in the vehicle. He checked over his shoulder to be sure that there was no one else. It was just them.

"Jane, I…" Lisbon started. She seemed to be in a state of shock herself. It probably wasn't safe for her to be driving. But she was in better shape than he was, that's for sure. She didn't seem to be speeding or running red lights, so that was good. She probably had practise driving while in shock, a by product of her career. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

Jane looked at her, surprised. She was sorry he saved her life? No, no she was sorry he had to shoot their only link to Red John. She knew now that he was willing to give his life for Red John. She didn't know that he wasn't willing to give hers.

"It had to be done," Jane whispered. She may not even have heard him, but it was the most honest thing he'd said to her in a while. The two of them sat there in a while, the weight of the words she'd spoken earlier hanging in the air between them. He probably should have told her that even though Red John was more important than him, she was more important than Red John. But she was better at saying these kinds of things, always had been.

III.

Lisbon stood a few feet away from him, her back turned and her hands in her pockets. She was running away, shutting him out. She didn't go far, but her body language said it all.

"Well, you know, th-thanks for trying," Lisbon muttered. "You probably have, uh, some where you need to go, right?"

"Well, I'm not going to give up that easily," Jane replied nonchalantly. As if this wasn't threatening to destroy her career and put her in jail. As if her memory loss wasn't going to ruin everything she worked so hard for. She gave him a look different from any look she'd given him before. It was sad, almost fearful like she wanted to be hopeful but couldn't risk it.

"I can count on you not to tell anybody about this, right? On the team?" Lisbon said, her voice breaking as she choked back tears.

"Aw Lisbon, hey," Jane said. He made a move to pat her shoulder, aching to give her some form of comfort.

"Jane," Lisbon said quietly, her voice now laced with tears. "I just need you to leave, okay? Could you just go?"

"Alright, alright," Jane said. "It's going to be okay. It's going to be fine, alright?" Lisbon's quiet gasp filled the space between them as she willed the tears in her eyes not to fall anymore. "I promise. Okay?"

Lisbon made a noise of affirmation, her ability to speak having been drowned is salt water. He looked at her before he left, wishing he was strong enough to stay. He couldn't force his way past Lisbon's walls, not yet. So he gave her the space she wanted so badly. He was almost out the door when he looked back again and seeing her so vulnerable, he couldn't go. Not yet. He came back in her apartment in a hurry, closing the distance between them before she could run away. He enveloped her in a real hug and didn't move until she relaxed against him, letting the tears stain his jacket. He knew he had to leave, but he wanted to stay, just a little bit longer. He wanted to tell say _you didn't do this, I believe in you. Don't worry, you didn't do this. _But he wasn't strong enough. Instead he settled for whispering something else in her ear.

"Don't worry, I have a plan."

IV.

So that was it. LaRoche had shot their suspect. Out of self-defence, Jane knew. He didn't doubt LaRoche's claim. Another link in the red John chain, gone. Just like that.

Jane swirled his spoon around in his tea cup, making his way back to his couch. He looked across the room, seeing that Lisbon had drawn the blinds in her office. He wondered how she was doing. Well, that wasn't quite right. He knew exactly how she was doing. She was straightening, trying to come to terms with almost dying… again. She knew how to cope, she would be able to get past this, Jane knew. But that didn't mean that it didn't wear on her. He should check up on her.

He got up from his couch, being careful not to spill his tea. He hadn't had any of it yet, it needed to cool down slightly. He walked over to Lisbon's office and tried the door. It was locked. Just as well, he could pick the lock almost as easily as turning the doorknob. He was sure to make noise as he opened the door, so as not to startle Lisbon too much. He glanced at the desk, where she would be sitting, probably with her head in her arms. But he was surprised when she wasn't there. His eyes swept across the room and found her lying on her couch. She was on her back with one arm draped across her eyes. She hadn't moved it when he came in, she could have been sleeping. But Jane knew better. She didn't let herself sleep at work as a general rule.

Seeing her there, Jane felt a wave of relief wash over him. She was still with him, still breathing. If Jane were to speak his mind, she'd be hearing just how glad he was that she was alive. She would listen as he told her how his heart stopped when he saw her in that vest, and then again when she'd refused to do as the bomber had said. But Jane very rarely spoke his mind.

"Here," Jane said as he sat down on the couch at her feet. "I brought you some tea."

Lisbon sat up and looked at the cup and saucer he was offering to her. She took it in her hands and brought the cup to her lips to take a sip. It was the perfect temperature, made just how he liked it. Coincidentally, she'd acquired a taste for his tea over the years. She'd often poured herself a cup after making it just the way he liked it, but never into the blue cup and saucer.

"Jane," Lisbon said. "This is your cup." She looked up at him through her made-up lashes, her face still angled towards the teacup. Jane just shrugged his shoulders and got up from the couch. She was right.

V.

"Hey Jane, you coming?" Lisbon called from across the bullpen. She put her jacket on and made to follow the team when she noticed he hadn't gotten up from his couch. "Come on Jane, the team's going for a drink."

"I know what you're doing Lisbon," Jane said. Lisbon didn't move, Jane didn't expect her to.

"I'm not doing anything," Lisbon lied. "Except going for a case closed drink with the team."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," Jane said light-heartedly. "Don't think I haven't noticed."

"Noticed what?" Lisbon asked innocently.

"Noticed that you've been bending your rules of keeping your personal life separate from work for my sake," Jane stated.

"I have not," Lisbon protested.

"Yes you have," Jane said simply. "You're been organizing activities for the team outside of work."

"I have," Lisbon admitted. "But that's just to promote team bonding and cohesiveness."

"You say that like you've rehearsed it," Jane pointed out. "You have practised it, because you know it's a lie."

"It's not—" Lisbon started.

"Ah, ah, ah," Jane interrupted. "You're trying to forge a connection between me and the team. You're trying to get me to care about them. You hope that if you can get me integrated into this team, comfortable with a new life, then I'll give up my hunt for Red John. Well, it's not that easy Lisbon." Lisbon was fidgeting, clearly uncomfortable with the realisation that Jane had figured her out. _It's not that easy Teresa, but it's working. _

"So," Lisbon said. "You coming or what?"

"Of course," Jane said with a smile. To the untrained eye, it would look cheery. But Jane knew it wouldn't fool Lisbon. She was too smart for that, she knew him too well.

I.

Jane sat down on the pile of sand as Lisbon pulled up in her SUV. He knew it was her before she got out, she'd always come. She walked towards him and sat down beside him. Her concern was written all over her face, concern for his well being both physically and mentally.

"You alright?" Lisbon asked. What she meant went far deeper. Jane needed only one look to understand.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Never better," Jane said, brushing off her concern. He didn't push her away though, instead he reached for her. His hand found her arm and travelled down from there to her hand. He was half surprised that she let him, but only half. They watched a police car whiz by, its siren blaring for no one to hear. The damage had been done, there was no rush. They just sat there for an indescribable amount of time, Jane watching the action from afar and Lisbon watching Jane beside her. He gave her hand a light squeeze, trying to draw strength from her. It didn't work; he could only use the meagre amount that was his own.

He thought back to where the plan went wrong. It wasn't his staged attack at the CBI, that had been flawless. No, it was before that. He knew that in the next little while he'd go over it and over it with a fine toothed comb, so he let himself relax a little in this moment.

He tried to clear his mind and just enjoy the feel of Lisbon's hand in his, the human contact. But his impromptu "love you" before he shot Lisbon kept appearing in the forefront of his thoughts. She'd asked about it. It hadn't been a part of the plan. He'd evaded. Now, his mind was crystal clear and that was the only thing of importance.

"Teresa, I-" Jane started, his head turning to face her full on.

"Shh," Lisbon interrupted. "I know." And in that moment, she did. He saw that she knew exactly what he didn't know how to say.

_I meant it._

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**The End. I hope you enjoyed this story, I sure did. The episodes referenced, in order, were: I. Bloodshot 1x16, II. Red John's Footsteps 1x23, III. Red Badge 2x03, IV. Strawberries and Cream (Part One) 3x23, V. No particular episode, I. The Crimson Hat 4x24. Thank you for reading this story. Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts. :) Goodbye. **_  
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